Life, Love and Determination

I am a firm believer in journaling, but my life for the past several months hasn’t allowed me the time to just sit and think and write. So, here I find myself finally making the time to journal some life happenings and thoughts.
The past few months have been some of the best and hardest months.
My family has been through so much. There have been days and are days when I think “ok, surely this is the day where I fall, because I’m out of strength to deal with anything else, ” but God always provides some sort of small  (or big) encouragement to me, to remind me that I won’t fall. He is my source of strength and He doesn’t fail. Amen.
In December, I went to the doctor for a check-up, the MD found something concerning, which lead to further tests. I spent the months of January and February praying that whatever the tests came back with, that I would be at peace. Thankfully, the tissue was just abnormal. NO CANCER. Those words were some of the best words I’ve heard. If I needed another reason to have focus and perspective in my life, God surely granted me that. Surgery is still needed, which won’t be pleasant, but I will get through it. God will get me through it. :)

I’ve said this so many times, especially here on the blog, but Tyler is how God has taught me the most about love here on this earth. Through Tyler I see the type of patience God must have for us when we’re stubborn to obey Him. Through Tyler I see the amount of joy God must take in watching us succeed at something He’s given us the ability to do. Through Tyler I see what unconditional love is, and how He gave us His most precious gift. I couldn’t imagine life without Tyler, yet God sacrificed His for me. How deep the Father’s love for us!
My friends. My dear, precious friends have walked with me through the past six months. Have prayed for me, cried over and with me and have laughed with me. I am thankful for each one. I am thankful for the people God blessed me with at GBCN. I love the realness (that’s a word, btw :) ) and honesty that comes with those friendships. I love that in nursing there isn’t time for BS, so all we have is who we are, take it or leave it. I love that.

It wasn’t that last semester was easy, it wasn’t by any means. It was almost like the appetizer before the meal, though. This semester being the meal. It is 100% all or nothing. There isn’t time to play around; you have to stay on top of everything all the time. So, as you can imagine, it is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. About a month ago, when I went for my last (very painful and intense) biopsy test I was at a crossroads, and I didn’t think I could handle any more stress. My body was sick and tired with stress. It was on the drive home from the test that I decided that if God could endure His son being spared and if Jesus could endure the cross, I could indeed endure all of the stress that filled my life. Again, God reiterated that He alone was my strength. I know I was a good nurse before that moment, but the moments since then, I’ve been a better person and nurse. My heart is overwhelmed at the strength I possess when I allow myself to feel it. I will get through nursing school. I will graduate and pursue my dream of becoming a midwife.  I will do these things not because I will have anything to do with it, but because God put this huge passion in my heart for something I never expected and has provided a way to get there.

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
This is posted in every room in my house. This has become one of my motto’s, to remind me that everything I am comes from Him. Everything I do should reflect Him. He is the reason I am in nursing school and He has a plan.

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