I’m timid, yet adventurous. and 14. unsure of what “this” world is like. you know, “this” world? the one where friend selection is everything. the one where you’ll be faced with the temptations your parents warned you about. the one where you’ll have to choose the path that will determine the person you are and will become.
This year, I’m confident. I have a boyfriend. best friends. high school diploma. I’m 18. i never realized how one year could define my life so much. so much happened. good and bad. lessons were learned. i also met some of the best people, ever.
I made it. I did it. I proved to everyone I was close to many years ago that it could be done. I’m 22. hopes are high. dreams are endless. the world, my new world, has nothing but visions of grandeur. excitement doesn’t begin to describe what i’m feeling about my life.
I live with my parents. I don’t have a job. I’m 23. I’m going to be an aunt. Weird. Cooking has become my source of inspiration. My friends, some of them, my source of vision. hope and faith are challenging words to me.
The years have come and gone. I have changed, moved, evolved into this person. I still have no idea what I want from my life or who this person is. No idea where I’m going. but, there is this baby. this sweet, precious baby that steals every ounce of affection right out of me. tyler is teaching me more about love and hope than i could have ever learned from any of the other stuff i’ve been through. i love that kid more than life.
want to be a nurse.
the classes i’m taking right now are affirming this truth over and over.
but, the good far outweighs the bad.
what would it look like to be honest?
to tell someone exactly how you feel,
to not be afraid of repercussions,
to be without passivity.
what would it be like to live as you are, unafraid? not easily moved?
with a healthy dose of reality.
unchanged by the people-pleaser,
unshaken by the over-confident,
unshifting by the change in relationship.
everything would be different.
everything would change.
today, this morning rather, i am most appreciative of the small things in life that make the day seem more worthwhile.
text messages from dear friends far away.
“good morning” notes.
journaling (and feeling like what you’re writing is good enough for others to see).
it’s been 3 years.
3 years to process and heal.
3 years to try and move on with life.
3 years of journaling every possible memory i have so that i never, ever forget it.
3 years of missing.
3 years of recollecting the voice that i will never hear again on this earth.
3 years of sporadic, heart-hurting emptiness.
it’s been three years, and i’m still processing and trying to live life without my grandaddy, the best man i have ever known.
but, it’s so hard sometimes.
and i miss him so much.
after all, he taught me the value of good literature, the benefits of laughter, the clouds in the sky, the love that Jesus has for me, and the power of physical touch. there are so many more…
here’s to moving past this day.
How I Met Your Mother.
tyler lee chappell.
la vie boheme.
saturday night traditions.
getting an “A”.
my thoughts while nannying today (in no particular order)…
i love nicknames. they are so endearing to me and anyone of importance in my life has one.
i love when avery runs to give me kisses, and insists on kissing me until she can kiss me on the lips.
living on my own has been such a good experience for me.
after reading The Picture of Dorian Grey i’m determined to read more books of similar literature. i love it too much.
journaling has saved me on so many occasions and allows me to express what otherwise would be lost in a sea of thoughts.
i wish we could skip MLK Jr. weekend.
i am so excited about my Nutrition class this semester.
actually, i’m excited about all of my classes.
i will write a book in my lifetime.
i love my hair when it’s straight.
i can’t wait to travel with al later this year.
or see two of my best friends.
lastly, i’m determined to make 2011 the most liberating year of my life.