dream images.

a look into my psychology project on dreams.

this is what i’ve been reading…interesting perspective.

“Are people who are mysteries to others, mysteries to themselves?”

“There is more–always more. Birth is not limited by anything you can think of. If my grandmother is pregnant with death, it is death pregnant with life. She comes to show me that life goes on, and I can not understand it, and neither can she. The dream figure is sheer presencing with a taste of incredible persistence and a taste of incredibly sweet joy.”

and my personal favorite…

“They evade space-time categories, not simply to shake things up, but to inject something new. They intervene in habitual routine and make one re-visualize events of the day. They stop the world for a moment, make you wonder. You have to appreciate the fact that there is more to life than you dream, as your dreams make you notice. They are part of the strange, the unanticipated. They make you stare dumbly at the dream scene as prelude to opening you up a little. Surprise, startle and shock is part of their method…They slip in between the cracks of personality, tickle a raw nerve, and won’t let you get away with dosing off on your life forever. To some extent, they reverse the order of time, not simply to fulfill wishes (to evade death, live forever) but to keep you in tune with what you value most, freshness of being, the taste of experience, the shock of aliveness.”

[all excerpts taken from Michael Eigen’s article “Dream Images”]

 

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carry it in my heart.

today, i spent Thanksgiving at the hospital.

i told as many jokes as possible to keep from crying.

i loved on my mom and tried to comfort her breaking heart.

i fed my grandmother her Thanksgiving lunch.

i spent the afternoon sharing my favorite memories at my mema and grandaddy’s house with my grandmother. memories of fort building in the woods, big-wheel competitions through her azalea bush garden and “driving” the infamous Datsun were just a few of the memories i shared.

my favorite moment on this Thanksgiving, though, had to be when i said goodbye to my grandmother, she said,

“bye my sweet, nicole. i love you very much.”

i have never been so moved to hear my name, to be “nicole.” tears filled my eyes as i kissed her cheek and hugged her neck, i was sad and happy at the same time. sad, because i’m never sure if i’ll get called by name again or if that will be the last time.  happy, because i get to celebrate that moment, rejoicing in today’s milestone.

this Thanksgiving, i’m thankful that my grandmother knew my name. she remembered me, if only just for today. and i’ll have that memory to carry in my heart forever.

 

hug and a kiss.

some of the sweetest words i could ever hear…

me: “coley has to go bye-bye now. bye tyler.”

ty: “no.”

me: (started opening the door to walk out) “ok, bye, lovey.”

ty:  “uh. uh. hug. hug.” (as he starts trying to climb out of his car)

me: “ok. ok. i’m coming.”

and he reaches out of his car and hugs my neck.

ty: “kiss.”

me: “kiss.”

sweet kisses.

ty: “hug

me: “of course, lovey.”

ty: “kiss.”

me: “yes.”

sweet kisses again.

this happened two more times before i finally had to just get up and walk out.

but in that moment, that sweet, perfect moment, i was in heaven. i was loved. my cup was overflowing.

oh, if we could only love like a child. so authentic. unconditional. real.

thanksgiving

it’s almost thanksgiving and i haven’t updated this blog in almost two months. sadness.

so, in honor of the quickly approaching holiday, which i couldn’t be more excited about, i am reminded of a couple things…

one of which is that last year my whole family took our typical, thanksgiving feast to Egleston. we lined up tables, had the usual favorites, and even had a few strangers join us. it was a beautiful experience.

next, we made our way to Lenox mall and watched the tree that stood in the ground since before i was born light up for all of Atlanta to see.

source

[the most beautiful Christmas tree, ever.]

this year, as i swallow the lump in my throat about how it may not be exactly what I would wish I was doing, I’m reminded that it wasn’t the “norm” (whatever that is) last year, but i was overwhelmed with life and the blessings I’d been given when i went to bed that night.

I’m also reminded that without the unexpected life experiences and moments that forever alter us, we wouldn’t be the complex, yet defined people God made us to be.

so this thanksgiving, i’m especially thankful for life, because it’s one of the most precious blessings anyone can be given.

i’m also thankful for laughter; without it, we would cry all the time.

lastly, i’m thankful for love and the capacity to love until it hurts.