the one I want.

my favorite thing about this life is how God orchestrates one thing or person for a season and uses it to impact you a lifetime.

there was a woman a couple of years ago that i had three conversations with, about life, hardships, baggage, etc. they were the kind of conversations that you walk away and a week later you’re still chewing on what was said. those, for the record, are the best conversations. i don’t see her much anymore or talk to her as much as i would like, but God used her in my life and continues to do so.

but, my most favorite thing, is when i read through my old journals. when i take the time to see where my heart was, what i felt i was doing for Kingdom, what i felt God was doing, and the prayers of my heart. then, for months or years to read back, and see how God was moving far bigger in my life than i gave Him credit for doing. or, to see the prayers, that i might have felt were unanswered, answered and worked out to perfection in a way i could never have foreseen. in some cases even, i am rebuked. i am convicted. because, maybe at one time, i gave God the credit He deserved and in the present time at reading it, i wasn’t.

that’s my least favorite thing, learning and realizing where i’m falling short when i don’t realize it. it’s hard sometimes to admit a weakness or shortcoming. but, through that, i realize God delivered me then. He’s delivering me now. and He will always deliver me.¬† He is constantly running hard to me, persuing me (even when i feel like He’s not because i’m too consumed with the world), singing sweetly to me. why don’t i recognize that more? why do i pretend like He forgets about me? why do i sell my self short, when God sacrificed His one and only Son so that i could live a full life?

and then, i’m reminded, i’m not the only one processing through these things. we’re all in this together, and everyone goes through seasons.

this song is a summation of what i might not be able to articulate in this post. it’s a beautiful song. be encouraged by it…and look it up!

arithmetic, brooke fraser

I’ve been staring at the sky tonight
Marveling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I’ve been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You’re the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I’ve been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See, I’d apologize my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I won’t find what I am looking for
If I only “see” by keeping score
‘Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic

‘Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I’ve forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You’ll still be the one I want

You’ll still be the one I want

You’ll still be the one I want


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