the bud of the bud.

photography is something that resonates within me. it is and will always be a part of me and who i am. i constantly surround myself with photographers work, purchase a book that inspires even the depths of my soul, and spend countless hours envisioning perfect shoots. there are few days that i don’t take at least one picture.

but that is only one part of the story. maybe it’s because of how i was raised and the things that i’ve been through, but i lack a severe case of confidence. [i’m positive we all lack this in one area or another.] confidence only and mainly having to do with photography. i yearn to photograph. i yearn to have individuals willingly pay me to capture them in their habitat doing life as they normally would do it. but this isn’t my life right now.

money is a huge factor when it comes to photography. and the fact that im picky. i want sharp, not over-edited, photojournalistic pictures. i want a blogsite that captures me at my roots. i refuse to settle. some could and would say i’m stubborn. the types of lenses that i need cost over $1400 dollars. if you just swallowed your gum, it’s ok, i’ve done it before. and if you’re thinking…save. i’m doing it. and i’m almost there.

but that’s not what this post is about…this post is about the fact that when i lie awake at night and think, what do i want to do with my life? i think pictures. but i also know that i don’t have the connections and network that allow a lot of people to navigate towards me. so, of course, i question myself, “am i not as good?” “do i just think my pictures are better?” “what did i do wrong?” i can’t answer these questions, photography is very subjective. only you, or whoever comes across it can answer that. i have been deeply encouraged by two people in my life that have provided a sense of confidence that i am forever grateful for. both of these people believe in me and i couldn’t thank them enough, so thank you and you.

so where does this leave me…

i want to do photography. i want a facebook fan page. i want to rebrand myself, with a new name and blogsite. and i want someone to do it with me. i want all of these things more than i want my hair to magically go straight. just like the saying goes, i firmly believe that two heads are better than one…especially when it comes to photography. so…i’m praying and searching for someone to do this with me…any takers out there?

so…there “is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud…”


1 thought on “the bud of the bud.

  1. There’s a big part of us all that yearns to do what we love for a profession. But there’s also the realistic side that says “but I have to doing something feasible and responsible.” Believe me, I am aware of the tug of war from both sides. My thought is that: a) if you can make what you love your profession than you should, but b) if you can’t, you should still make what you love a part of your life. Especially if you are like me and love so many different things. Which is all to say that you should never give up on your photography dream – ever. Because you truly do have a gift for it. In whatever form it takes, you should pursue it however you can!! Love you!

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