when you’re small…

sometimes as a babysitter, nanny if you will, you’re faced with certain predicaments.

what to do when the child you’re watching poops out the back of his diaper and all over you…

how to handle when you tell him “no” for his own good, and in return you get, “ugh”…

and lastly, for now, what happens when you put the said child in the bath and he proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs from frustration? when you finally figure out why…

you realize…he wants his bottle of baby soap that’s sitting outside the bathtub on the floor. and he’s doing everything in his will to get it…except you know he knows that he can’t reach it without falling over.

the world can be so tough sometimes, when you’re small.

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a little background knowledge.

just in case you didn’t know where my blog title came from…i’m here to tell you today.

i wouldn’t say this song is one of my favorites, but it was definitely one of those songs that i needed to hear one day last summer. the lyrics were perfect for everything i was processing through. and so, i thought, that will be my heart’s cry from now on.

The Kingdom by Bethany Dillon

It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home
I saw everything collecting dust
It made me hope there was something more
I pour over pages, desperate to find out why
The cripple at your table has what I’m longing to find

Teach me how to hum it
Because I don’t know the words yet

Help me see the light
I’m reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Why are some women barren
While the wicked’s house is full
The stories never seem to end
Give me evidence I’m not alone
You said the weak would be lifted up
But maybe just not yet
So while I wait in this flesh and blood
I’ll learn to lean in

Help me see the light
I’m reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

just thought i would share my motto. because no one has the answers. no one, but the Lord,  can understand where each of us are. but thankfully we have a loving God who helps get us from one place to another, even when we don’t know where we’re going.

3 gotta haves.

1.

need i say more? when i saw this book i knew we would become great friends.

2.

more recipes focusing on the best food for you. just the way i like it.

3.

this is the best book i’ve found for starting your own garden…which i plan on doing this year. :)

winter turns to spring.

winter is almost gone. for the first time in a long time, actually 3 years, i’m sad about it. the last time i enjoyed winter i lived in europe where i could see the snow-capped Alps from my morning walk. just like then, i’ve enjoyed this winter and the snow it brought with it.

but, spring is so close. just a few weeks away and my favorite weather will be upon us.

and soon after, summer will follow.

i’m excited about this summer.

i can’t wait for this summer.

it shall be a grand summer.

just another (manic) monday…

ok, so not really manic…but it just fit the title.

on other news…

i love sushi dates.and coffee ice cream. and hour long car conversations. and north metro church. and the bachelor (team tenley all the way.). and the best sister in the world (aka my sister). and foreign accents, preferably italian, french and english. and Chris Tomlin’s “Jesus Messiah” song.

that’s enough for now…

i just needed to relish in today’s moments and memories.

i can’t help it.

i think i put too many pictures of tybug and talk about him too much on my blog. who wants to read about that anyway? right? so, i’m going to start talking about why i love saving money and getting half of our family’s groceries for pennies, or the little nicole-isms that i have that some could be offended by but make me, me.

i’m going to try to do a better job at that…but for now, i must share a couple photos. [i haven’t really edited them at all…so forgive me.]

morning wake-up call.

tyler and i had a sleepover last night [the sis and b-i-l were celebrating three years of marriage, five years of togetherness]. we played with mimi, ate dinner at cracker barrel, and then he fell asleep at 8:15. a little early for a sleepover if you ask me. i gave him a break though, he does have double ear infections. :(

the only problem about having a sleepover with an 11-month old is that at 6:30 this morning, i heard a lot of “bye-bye” and clapping and “mama” and “da-da” and other jibberish which im sure if i could speak baby talk i would’ve understood. a wee too early for a saturday morning, don’t ya think?

i thought about ignoring him, but when i looked over and saw his buzz lightyear pajamas i couldn’t help but grab him out of his bed and kiss him til he told me to stop.

i’d say that’s the best kind of wake-up call anyone could ask for.

the joy of my heart.

i think it was somewhere between finding out i was going to be an aunt to seeing an ultrasound of tyler when he was 20 gestational weeks. or maybe it was when i saw him for the first time.

i often wonder if it was when i held him and felt his fingers. then sometimes i think about singing to him at 3:00 am when we spent hours in the ER and then were transferred to a room, all while he screamed from pain and discomfort. most of the time though, im convinced that it’s the times he made me smile when my heart mourned my life. it’s those times and all the aforementioned that make my life worth living sometimes, most of the time.

God has used tyler lee to change and transform my life in a way that i could never explain to anyone. tyler laughs at me. he thinks im funny. when i come into the room he crawls towards me to hug me. i taught him to clap and taught him the word association, “clap” means hand motion. those are the outward things that make my heart flutter with joy.

it’s the things that no one else sees that fill my eyes with tears at this very moment. God used tyler to captivate me. [i would do anything for that kid, after all, he is my bff. :)] He used tyler to bring me out of a very dark place my mind and heart were in. a place where lifes circumstances grabbed me by my ankles and held me down. a place people, especially my friends, rarely ever asked me about. a place, a valley if you will, where i spent months digging and processing through, and never seemed to get anywhere. i was stuck. stuck trying to figure out life, the purpose of it, and where i fit in it [which im convinced we never truly know, we’re all on a journey that can change with every breath]. but through tyler and through almost losing tyler [which is THE hardest thing, above everything else i’ve been through the last two years, that i’ve ever had to deal with], God revealed himself to me in a way in which i wasn’t looking. once again, i was on my knees, broken before him, yet humbled to have been given new perspective.

it’s been an emotional week for me. but a good week. a week in which tyler has once again taught me more about being an adult than any adult ever could. why are children and babies so smart, when they don’t even know it? please, someone tell me??

i thank God every moment of every day for my bug. i can’t imagine life without him, and i can’t imagine not being a part in molding him to be the person he will be.

my cup overfloweth tonight. it runs steadily over and over and my heart is filled with joy.

oh, happy day! part due.

happy eleven month birthday sweet, baby boy!!

hi, everyone! i look just like my mama.

can i listen to your heart?

i have this problem where i try to talk and laugh at the same time…

the problem with that is..i get a massive double chin.

p.s. im in serious denial that he’s almost a year old.

serious. denial.